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"Emotional torture - a slow, painful death of a relationship, and the worst way to go.

Maybe the most painful part is watching the person you love fall out of love with you. Their grip has loosened, and their eyes have fallen short of the vision you co-created. They no longer laugh at your jokes, ask you about your day, or hold you. They haven’t said “I love you” in so long, and haven’t meant it even longer. They’re too captivated by a silhouette of prospect with a new female friend. (A friend who has met you many times.) You catch their flirty glimpses, and confirm your suspensions with text messages and call logs. You see his name appearing on her social media, pretty much more often than in yours. You can steadily sense that you’re being etched into a memory that they will rarely recall. They’re leaping, face forward, into another person’s embrace.

And so you try. You try and you fight because someone once told you love conquers all. Because you’re so deluded in that lucid dream you both created that you will rub your hands bare to the bone trying to recreate a spark. But she put out the fire months ago.

The soul-crushing thought isn’t the thought of them fucking, it’s the thought of him telling her intimate stories about his childhood. Telling her inside jokes. Telling her she’s beautiful, and meaning it. The bitch of it all is that it’s both unjust yet inevitable. Because whether you’re 16, 23, or 45, you will meet someone, and lose them to someone else. They mean no harm, (though they damn sure inflict it), but they must follow their heart despite bruising yours in the process. Because for better or worse, love is not logical, it’s emotional. And his affections have been redirected to someone he has more in common with, with someone who is closer to him in proximity, with someone who is relentless in her pursuit to get him.

So you surrender. Because it’s become more exquisitely painful to watch him lie to you about their relationship and to feel yourself fighting for something you know you can’t get back. (Maybe you never had it to begin with.) You let him go, but he was long gone. You start blaming people, but who can you really blame? For a while, you blame her. Who interferes with a relationship? Who hurdles over the boundaries of an opposite-sex friendship, and convinces a guy to leave you? Then you realize you don’t “convince” people to leave really. Perhaps he was lead, but he chose to follow her. Allured or completely conscious, he left… for her. And then you blame yourself. How could I stay for so long? How could I love the wrong person so deeply?

In all, you’ve lost a battle you didn’t even know you were fighting until you’ve already been defeated. It’s the worst way to go."

(Taken and edited from Thought Catalog)

Worst. Month. Of. My. Life. Ever.

I've never felt so, so.. down.

I'm at the bottom, rock bottom.

If there's a time to slit my wrist, it would be now. NOT that I would, I'm just saying.

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“1. When a boy who leaves goosebumps on every inch of your skin tries to play you his favorite song, don’t let him. He’ll get it stuck in your head and under your fingertips and when he leaves, you won’t be able to listen to it without feeling like you’re choking.

2. Don’t let him touch you all over no matter how much you want to feel him against you. Leave a few spots untouched so that when you’re sleeping alone again, at least your left wrist and an inch of your right hip won’t sting with the remaining burn of his mouth. 

3. Don’t let him break your ribs.

4. Don’t watch the sunset with him. He’ll poison it. You won’t be able to look at the sky without swallowing a mouthful of him.

5. Don’t mistake wasps for butterflies. Sometimes when you feel your stomach flutter and your hands start to shake it’s pain, not love.

6. Just because he tells you he loves you doesn’t mean he’s going to stay.

7. It’s okay to delete his number after he kisses the pretty girl he met when he was drunk. It’s okay to leave when he hurts you. You don’t have to keep falling into him.

8. When he tells you that you’re beautiful, try to remember that you were beautiful before him too.

9. Just because he reads and smokes cigarettes and talks about the stars doesn’t mean he’s your soulmate.

10. After you kiss him, remember to wash your mouth out right away so he doesn’t burn into your tongue. 

11. He’ll kiss you in the rain and take you to little coffee shops. He’ll brush your hair out of your eyes and kiss your nose. He’ll grab your waist and whisper in your ear but six months later you’ll find yourself drunk texting him that you miss him and he won’t respond.

12. Your heart is going to break a million times. It’s going to feel like the world is falling apart around you. Your lungs will stop working some nights. You find yourself grabbing at your bones trying to hold yourself together. You’re going to feel like you’re dying. It’s going to be okay. You’ll find someone else to kiss you goodnight.”

for future reference (via rauchwolken)

Safer Internet Day

Be a part of safer internet day, today!

Together, we can make a difference! :)

I'm all in for anti-cyber bullying (being a victim myself, let's help others out there)!

First picture up there is mine, hahaha so cute with the 'It starts with me' banner thingy.

ALSO,

IN LESS THAN 3 MONTHS OF BLOGGING, WHERE ARE ALL OF YOU READERS COMING FROM OMG! HAHA THANK YOU FOR READING XOXO

Yong Kiat's 21st Surprise Birthday Parties

OMG OMG OMG HAHAHA I'VE BEEN SAVING THIS POST AS DRAFT AND FINALLY IT CAN BE PUBLISHED.

I swear planning his surprise birthday parties are a whole lot more stressful than planning mine. Because when I was planning mine, sooo many friends were helping out, but because his is a surprise I could only mostly do it myself or drag my mummy in sometimes. Let's not forget I had my prelims during this period too, it was really tough. :(

The First Surprise, Advanced Birthday Celebration

Guests: His closest friends and loved one (me of course).

Venue: McDonalds Birthday Party

(I don't think he had any birthday party celebrations at McDonalds before. Since it isn't his actual birthdate, so technically he's still a child right? Hahaha OMG this is so exciting! I cannot cannot cannot wait to see his face! LOLOL)

Time: 1.30pm - 3pm

Theme: Geek/ Nerd

(I think it will be sooo freaking cute for grown adults to be dressed up in spectacles, suspenders, maybe a little centre parting too? HAHAHA)

The Initial Plan

1. I'll blindfold him and lead him into the room.

2. He'll be seated in front of me and everybody else standing behind me waiting for The Reveal

3. SURPRISE

4.  An even bigger surprise because he is going to witness me singing and playing a guitar in public. LOL

(I've been thinking and practicing so many songs omgomgomg. Only after like weeks (not kidding), I've finally decided on 月亮代表我的心 R'n'B remix version.

I've got so much to be nervous about! One, I've never sung outside my bathroom.

Two, I can't read Chinese words for nuts what more sing in Mandarin.

Three, I don't know how to play the guitar.

I'm screwed, I know.

5. McDonald's staff will then take over, we will have fun and games

6. Lunch and then cut the Cake That I Baked

(I hope nobody dies from it.. Um..

7. Phototaking! :)

The Day Of The McDonald's Party, 15th March 2014, Saturday

I finally finished baking his birthday cake at 2am in Jocelyn's kitchen:

The batter for the 2 layers of cake

First layer goes into the oven

16 Ferrero Rocher pounded for the base of the cake

Tadah the base is done!

The making of chocolate ganache.. over this Jocelyn and I had such a damnnn good laugh I swear! Hahaha.

Piping of the ganache to stick the 2 cake layers together

NUTELLA IS FINALLY UP! And one of layer of ganache to complete the cake presentation..

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT, MY DOUBLE CHOCOLATE NUTELLA WITH FERRERO ROCHER BASE BIRTHFAT CAKE FOR YK :)

I slept at 6am after practicing my guitar and also a heart to heart talk with Jocelyn and my mummy. Thank god for the both of them in my life I swear. Thank god.

Mcdonald's Surprise Party

I woke up at 9am and had my last practice before heading to YK's..

I shared a cab with mummy and I dropped off at his void deck while she brought the birthday cake to McDonalds first.

There were slight changes in plans because I was early, so I performed for YK under his void deck instead of in front of everyone. OMG the moment he saw me when he exited the lift, HAHA EPIC.

I TOTALLY REGRET NOT ASKING A STRANGER TO TAKE A VIDEO OF ME PERFOMING FOR YK, CAUSE IT IS INDEED ONCE IN A LIFETIME OKAY! :(

He was touched, and I guess it's a job well done after all! :)

Then I blindfolded him and we boarded the cab heading towards McDonalds!

We were ahead of schedule so I made him sit down outside to wait for everyone to reach. But he was getting really angsty because of the hot weather, I had no choice but to bring him in and start before full attendance.

Okay so he took off the blindfold and he was super shocked and yes you can say the surprise was a success because he didn't suspect anything! YAY :) 'SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..'

- Pictures will be updated -

Groupshot! All his closest friends! :) Thank you for coming everyone, thank you.

Everybody ate, caught up with one another, took photos, played games and yeah I guess you can say most of them loved my cake! EGO BOOST K HEH HEH! <3

I hope YK enjoyed himself because that's all I want, really.

I paid the bill and we headed to Clarke Quay for my well deserved rest, to put down things, open all his presents and of course the most important part - our afternoon nap! I was sooooo sleepy.

Dinner @ The Cajun Kings

Best crabs ever, highly recommended!

Against light, so the pictures aren't really clear.. :(

The Absolutely Delicious Crab.

The crabs were so good we decided to order prawns and mussels too!

The entire mess.. Nom nom nom

We washed our hands, I paid for dinner and off we headed to Marina Bay! I wanted to bring him to iLights Festival but we went shopping instead at MBS HAHAHA.

MY OOTD:

Second Birthday Surprise, Actual Birthday Celebration

Guests : Family and loved ones

Venue: YK's place

Time : 8pm

The Plan

1. Pick YK from Toa Payoh MRT Station when he books out

2. Dinner somewhere near, say Yishun?

3. Drag him back home real quick

4. Text his brother say we're at the lift already

5. They will turn off all the lights and light up the cake

6. YK will open the door and SURPRISE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..

The Actual Birthdate, 17th March 2014, Monday

I went to buy him balloons from Ion Orchard because I remembered months ago he said the floating-dog balloon was super very cute!

I have named him Ian, Ian Chua. Hahaha

Ian is a golden retriever! :)

And of course a 21st birthday balloon to go along with it!

WAHAHA IAN IS SUCH A CHICK MAGNET AT TOA PAYOH STATION, EVERYBODY IS LOOKING AT US BUDDY!

On our way to dinner..

Dinner @ Swensens, North Point

(Don't judge okay, we just wanted a quick dinner and free ice cream for birthday boy hehe)

Free ice cream for the birthday boy!

I promised to blur out his uniform..

Final Birthday Party @ YK's Home Sweet Home

Everybody was so enthusiastic and all, I texted to say we boarded the cab/ downstairs the lift and they got ready!

They were hiding in the kitchen with the cake lighted and ready, and when YK opened the door, SURPRISE! :) So sweet of everyone! <3

Also, his 21st birthday presents from me!

Just a casual wallet since he is using Prada now, this one can be for camps or when overseas for something less flashy. Hahaha. Oh the one I gave him is without the coin pouch.

I swear the belt looks nicer in real life, you can go check it out at any Fred Perry Outlets. This, my friend, is to tie him to me for life! Hahaha

Baby, I hope you have enjoyed both the surprise parties that I have planned for you, the once in the lifetime experience of watching me sing and play the guitar in public, the dinner treat at The Cajun Kings and of course both your presents that I bought for you too. Please use them to the fullest okay? I hope you love everything I have done because they came from the bottom of my heart! Now I'm officially broke (for those of you who asked, I've spent $5_ _), but your happiness made everything worthwhile. I love you and happy 21st my dear. <3

Can you believe it? Yet another milestone marked together and we have been 'dating' for a year now since your 20th to your 21st birthday. I cannot, and I mean I really absolutely cannot wait for our official 1st year anniversary coming right up! <3