Trust

Trust comes in two ways I guess.

Some trust ever easily, without holding back. You could say I started out this way but over the years I find it terribly hard to trust someone, anyone. Even myself.

So now I belong to the latter group, where trust needs to be earned. Through words, actions, keeping promises, walking the talk et cetera.

I know it isn't fair to condemn somebody before s/he is found guilty but the paranoid me just am cynical to everything and everyone. But I do give credit when it is due okay.

Anyone here agrees with me that a lie is still a lie albeit however minuscule or insignificant it is? White lie or not, for my own good or not. I just can't seem to wrap my head around it.

I mean I'm not a saint. If someday I ever lie about something, I want to be forgiven so long I'm sincerely apologetic about it. So why am I being so hard on the other party and myself?

I'm a classic skeptical bitch. Forgiveness is one thing. To rebuild trust is another. I'm not angry. But how am I supposed to believe in anything you say now, there are no grounds to back you up. I'm just second guessing everything and it feels toxic.