Fireworks

The thing about fireworks is that it represents life, pretty much.

Beautiful, short-lived.

At the first sound of the shot, when we learn to walk, the way time flies, a race of life.

The sparks, when we achieve our goals, every moment of joy, or when wishes come true, even first kiss(es) maybe.

Smoke and ash, like our all-time lows, those bleak days will soon fade away.

Then comes a few other shots, and how the whole process repeats itself, like an emotional rollercoaster of oohs and ahhs.

Choreographed and planned. Rehearsals and performances. Blood, tears and sweat. Our life, our stage.

Spectators aplenty, mostly passing phases as they come and go, capturing the fireworks with hearts and minds, for they will be always be a part of our memories and lives.

And when the whole parade is over, as all beautiful things comes to an end, so will we and our last breath.

But for the short lives we live, each spark a breathtaking piece, those moments colour us, fill us, shape us.

I live for those heart-flips-spontaneous-I sooo did not do that- moments. Even though short-lived, I know it was worth it. Every single bit.

Just like fireworks, our lives are meant to be appreciated. I don't want forever(s), I want right here, right now.

Why do bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people?

Why.

We've got this.

"When I first found out about it, all I did was cry. Cried at home, cried in the train, literally just kept crying anytime, everywhere.

I know that when I am done with crying, I need to be strong. Be strong for her."

That was what I said on the 1st of Jan 2015.

Today, the 22nd of Nov 2015 I found out about something else.

And all I did was cry. Cried at home, cried in the train, literally just kept crying anytime, everywhere.

I know that when I'm done with crying, I need to be strong. Be strong for her too.

I have been and still am blessed for 22 years and counting. But this year, this year in particular has been such a testing/ trying year for my loved ones and I.

I know that it is normal to cry. And I have learnt that after crying, life goes on. No, not the cliché life goes on. But more like the hell yeah life goes on. We have got to live each day better than before. And everyday that we are still alive and breathing, is a great day. Let us not countdown, but count up. We have got this okay? We got this. We got this.

Terror, terrorist and terrorism.

As usual you guys know I'm one person who states my 5 cents worth whenever I feel like I want to.

I am a nobody, just another human being with loved ones living and breathing on this planet earth.

There are a lot of things we can not and would not be able to control. Just to state a few examples: weather, climate change, diseases, world wide epidemic, poverty et cetera the list goes on.

But what we can control is who we are and how we can affect others. It does not matter where you come from, which religion or congregation you belong to, or even how rich you are.

If you are mean, you are mean.
If you are violent, you are violent.
If you are kind, you are kind.
If you are benevolent, you are benevolent.
If you are full of hate, you are full of hate.
And if you are full of love, you are full of love.

You are, who you are. Even twins who look identical have different personalities. What more a certain group of people who wear similar clothes, speak a certain language or happen to have the same skin colour. How are they exactly the same?

Well the only similar factor between you and I, are that we are human beings who deserve the right to live and live in peace.

So just because someone who has some sort of relation to you, does something bad, should you be made to pay the price? No right? How is that fair? Where is the humanity in our human race?

And as individuals, what we are capable of is how we can and will affect others. I know this is ideal and easier said than done, but if we learn to love and respect one another, it sure as hell is better for all of us.

Come on, it is everything good and nothing bad what.

To be a decent soul, does not mean that we need to agree with everyone. What it means is, "Yes, you have your beliefs and I have mine, but if ultimately we have a common goal which is for the good of everyone, then y'know what? So be it."

I am not one to preach, if any, I know so clearly some of the things I said and/ or did makes me feel like I am a piece of shit.

But it is never too late to start. Especially with all these an eye for an eye thing going on. I mean afterall, the only ones who are made to suffer are the innocent victims.

Seriously it scares me that one of these days, when things get out of hand, we or (worse still) our loved ones are THE innocent victims. Allow me to correct myself, things ARE already out of hand.

When it comes to war, there are no winners or celebrations for victory. At the end of the day, it just comes down to who lost more.

And from what I see, before the rest of us die from ripe old age (we wish), or even sickness and diseases, we are the ones who are killing one another.

Humans would be the downfall of our human race.

SELLING CANON EOS 550D (CURRENTLY RESERVED)

Condition: 9.5/10
Price: Negotiable

I think

I think about the day we talked
I think about the first time you held my hand
I think about the day I walked away
I think about how sorry I was and still am

I think about how hard I fell
I think about the the times we fought
I think about how young we were
I think about us a lot

I think about how you used to look at me
I think about how she came between
I think about the pain, the grief
I think about the good times and hand me another shot of gin

I think about how you barged into my life
I think about how much I wanted you to be mine
I think about the day we kissed
I think about how I felt when I was with you, oh so fine

I think about how we both agreed to take things slow
I think about the stupid conversations we had
I think about the day you apologised
I think about your face when you said "it was my bad"

I think about your love for me
I think about how we were always, almost it
I think about how happy we were
I think about the times we were pretty sweet

I think about the mess you made
I think about how we walked your dog together
I think about those moments we were out till late
I think about how we could have been forever

I think about you the most
I think about you in my sleep, when I talk
I think about you like a dream came true
I think about you like chains, keys and lock

I think about how you picked me from work at 4am
I think about how you sent and fetched me everywhere
I think about the crazy things you told me
I think about how I was right, it was going nowhere

I think about you all the time
I think about the good and the bad
I think about how all of you changed my life
I think about how little control of my life I had

I think about how good it feels to be alone sometimes
I think about how it would be nice to have someone too
I think about my friends who are getting/ got married
I think I about how I have my nike shoes

Add-ons:

I think about my life and goals
I think about how much I love my mum
I think about not giving aussie up
I think about how glad I am to have done

I think about about my plans for the future
I think about how I wanna fly for a while
I think about how it could possibly be a joke
I think about me, a 22 year old still cooped up in a shell

I think about my solo trips
I think about my couple trips
I think about growing old
I think about money and tips

I think about the war and pain
I think about hungry kids with broken shins
I think about terrorism these days
I think about world peace not just the self-proclaimed glory of pageant queens

I think about how if I have a choice
I think about the volunteer work I'll do
I think about leaving everything behind
I think about building schools and humanity too

I think about learning my fifth language
I think about the importance of communication
I think about my ideal contributions to the world
I think about how it shouldn't just be my imagination

I think about how this isn't a poem
I think about how it's not supposed to rhyme
I think about how hungry I was before this post
I think about baking an apple crumble but hey, I've got no time

I think about my law exams round the corner
I think about how exciting my life might be after
I think about our lives so short
I think about how we should fill it with laughter

I think about how I should end this now
I think about whether I should gym tomorrow
I think about how sleepy I felt in school today
I think about the late nights and pimples that will follow

Oh god.

Plans never go according as planned

I haven't been in the best of moods lately. God sometimes I really don't understand what you have in store for me.

By Beth Cormack

I'm Only 22. I Don't Want Someone Else to Be My Whole World.

I am a firm believer in true love. I do believe that there is someone out there for me who will eventually sweep me off my feet and make me wonder why I ever settled for anybody else. There is a man out there for me, with whom I will celebrate countless anniversaries, Valentine's Days and birthdays. There is a man with whom I will be able to get through any fight, distance or hardship, knowing that nothing will ever change. There is a man out there with whom I will share an unbreakable bond, held together by the deep desires of love.

But not today.

I don't want someone I "won't be able to imagine my life without." I don't want someone to "have my whole heart." I don't want someone to be "my whole world," or "my rock," or "my better half." I don't want somebody who can understand me better than I can understand myself.

I want to feel whole. I want to be my own rock, my own anchor, my own soul mate. I want to understand myself better than anyone else can. I don't want to look back and hate myself for altering my future for someone else when I know I wasn't ready to.

That's why I don't want to find the man I will love forever today. Or tomorrow. Or the day after that.

For those who know me, you know that when I fall, I fall fast and I fall hard. I am a hopeless romantic who wears my heart on my sleeve. I simply love the idea of being in love. I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't have some type of interest in a guy. I love having a "texting buddy." I love feeling desired. I have gotten hurt a few times, but I always pick myself up and try to move on. Moving on is hard for me, though, simply because I love being in love. I've called guys my "better half" and my "rock." I've convinced myself that I couldn't picture my life without them. I'm starting to realize now that that's the last thing I want in my future relationship. Especially as a young woman in my early 20s. Before I enter into any serious relationship, I need to feel like I'm complete. And I need to be able to feel complete while completely alone.

Too many women depend on men to make them happy, and I would be lying if I said I haven't done that myself. At this point in my life, I don't know how to be completely independent when I'm in a relationship. I know many girls who can be, but personally, I don't know how.

I have dreams. I have plans that only involve myself. I'm at a pivotal point in my life; I get to decide where I go from here. I can travel, move across the country and make stupid spontaneous decisions, just because I can. As of right now, there is nothing holding me back from where I want to take my life (well, having a bit more money might be nice, but I'll figure that one out eventually). I don't want to find my true love yet. I'm not ready to settle, and I'm not ready to alter my personal plans for someone else. The only thing I'm ready for is discovering where my life takes me post-grad. I'm ready to move across the country. I'm ready to make new and beautiful memories with the people I'll meet along the way. But I'm simply not ready to fall in love again.

As my college career is coming to a close and I'm starting to find out what I want for my life, I'm beginning to realize that I never want to fall for a guy whom I consider to be my "better half." I don't want a better half. I want to be whole. I want to consider myself and my happiness as more important than any relationship I will ever be involved with. Does this make me selfish? No. This makes me able to know that I can and will be happy alone, no matter how many heartbreaks might come my way.

Some people marry their high school sweethearts; some of my friends have done so or plan on doing so. And I love them for that. I think their relationships are healthy, and I have loved watching them grow independently, even though they have a significant other. I admire them for that. There is nothing wrong with already finding the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with at a young age. You can still live a complete life with a boyfriend/girlfriend by your side at age 22. But I know myself enough to know that I'm not at the point in my life where I can do that.

I want to imagine my own life. I want to be able to navigate through life's exciting opportunities and devastating disappointments independently -- and if and when a guy decides he wants to join me, I'll still be able to have the peace of mind that I can do it alone. I will be able to imagine my life without him, because at that point, I will have already done it alone.

Many of you may read this and view me as a loner. Or maybe you'll think I hate the idea of love. Believe what you wish, but neither of these assumptions is true. Like I said before, I can't wait for the day I find my true love. I can't wait to be able to look a guy in the eyes, say "I love you," and know that it means "I love you forever." I can't wait for a guy to love me, challenge me and support me emotionally every day for the rest of my life. That day will come, but I haven't lived enough yet.

I'm 22. I have too many stupid decisions to make before I decide my fate. I have the rest of my life to find the guy who gives love a whole new meaning for me.

That day will come. Just not today.

General Elections 2015

I will finally get to cast my vote for the first time this year. Totes feeling like a real responsible adult now haha but eh I still have lecture on Friday.

So these few days I've been listening/watching quite a number of rallies and I guess the gist is basically this - PAP is not perfect but majority of the opposition parties are just stating many problems (that has always been apparent to all) but are not coming up with solutions.

When we vote, we are voting for a voice in the Parliament, and the majority of the seats attained by one party would then form the Government. (Imagine an entire Government ran by opposition members, Singapore siao liao I tell you) Also, the Parliament 'design' laws, not the Government. (See here: https://www.parliament.gov.sg/what-we-do)

Yes some opposition parties are pretty good (and some are just nationwide jokes), but they may not necessarily be contesting at your constituency. So when we vote, we vote for the voice that will represent your constituency in the Parliament. Don't just vote cause you're unhappy with certain issues. If the opposition at your constituency is weak and if they win a seat, it'll in turn be disastrous.

Then it brings me to my next point which is, all these years we've had opposition parties attaining a few seats in the Parliament. They promised many things but if people are still unhappy about X things, then the opposition parties merely just secured a seat but are not fulfilling their promises regarding solving X problems too, no? Are they just happy being elected after inciting much feels in their supporters? Or are they merely opposing for the sake of opposing?

Like what YL said, Mr Lee made one of the best speeches ever. For me, what hit home was the paragraph along the lines of "Instead of voting more opposition parties to make PAP work harder, we need to vote more PAP members to make the opposition parties work harder." I feel that some opposition parties are just comfortable with the fact that they have secured a seat and then not walking the talk.

Many have said their five cents worth on social media, and this is mine. While others are looking at this with the micro perspective, I just want Singapore to constantly be better as a nation and as we continuously make our mark in the global platform. I'm living a comfortable life and I'm extremely grateful for how things have been thus far.

One more day of rallies and then it's cooling-off day. Vote wisely my fellow Singaporeans.

And as what Mr Lee Kuan Yew stated in the video above (click on the video if you haven't seen it), "Whoever governs Singapore, must have that iron in him. Or give it up. This is not a game of cards, this is your life and mine."

Filter

Finally got down to privatizing my instagram. Deleted all those ghost followers and still admist deletion. I realised I really don't appreciate people I don't know to have a preview into my life without me actually knowing. Also, I don't need to be ms popz so I don't need numbers to boost my ego.

I'm not saying that I'm not gonna make my account public anymore, but for now I guess its good for me to filter who I allow to have a snippet of my day to day life. Maybe when I'm ready again, I might just public my profile once more. I have nothing to hide, I'm not ashamed of my life, I just prefer some privacy, for now.

I've cut more than 300 followers (some accidentally), and this is only the beginning. Not forgetting there's this awkward grey-zone group who are acquaintances but they don't really know me.. It's not about the numbers, but the fact that I'll wonder sometimes: So did they or did they not see my photos? Do they actually agree with my life? They didn't 'like' my photos is it cause they are judging my life? Are they taking screenshots and gossiping behind my back without me knowing? So do I unfollow them or not? But sometimes I'm really not interested to know about their lives. Sounds harsh or mean even, but if its my account, technically my right to choose right? But really just different interest or I don't understand what their life is about then it's okay if they don't have to understand mine too right?

Also there are some followers of mine who became friends. It's like they have such an interesting feed and I'm glad instagram happened if not I wouldn't have been exposed to their interesting hobbies, for instance. Like I don't know them but they actually agree or rather, support and 'like' certain decisions I make in life. It's a pity I'm not really friends with them in real life, after all they are people with the same interest and all. We'll definitely click y'know?

So I guess I'll just have to really filter who I want my target audience to be. But mostly, I just wanna be comfortable with my social media diary.

Ps: 966 followers to 602 and still dropping for good.

Pss: Disclaimer, I hope I don't end up pissing people off if I accidentally unfollowed you *fat fingers*

Just something I need to get off my chest I guess

Years back, a girl"friend" asked me a question: "Don't you think you should reflect on why all your guy friends' girlfriends hate you?"

And my answer was straight up "No?"

Because I know I haven't done anything wrong and maybe their insecurities should be addressed by communicating with their other halves.

I remember specifically when B texted me and said he's in love with another girl. I spent days and nights telling him that he shouldn't cheat on J and how he should try to remember what he first fell in love with J for. That B must try his best to keep their relationship going. And how I think J is an amazing girl.

But along the way many things happened and I guess I can say I just clarified things with J. Even then I guess its just one of the many times I'm misunderstood.

Then another crazy girlfriend H of my classmate W threatened that she would burn my hair if I sat beside W in class. LOL that was the first and last time I sat beside W. Legit wtf how is this my fault. Other girls can sit beside W, just not me apparently. W was my classmate of two years. You for real, sister? I was late and I just found a seat beside him, I also kena. Wow.

Months back, my close friend R was cheating on his girlfriend. For weeks I scolded him for being a manslut and said I felt for his girlfriend, so please don't do this to her. Be a man and do the right thing for both of them. Apparently the girlfriend thought that I was a threat and that she really disliked me. To think I'm being a bro for her. Hah.

So is it my fault that I'm being a good friend or are girls these days just unbelievable. Just recently, I have had yet another incident as such. I am feeling so sian and there's nothing I can do to make them like me.

In fact, I don't need them to like me. I just hope my friends don't 'unfriend' me because of their other halves.

Ps: Names have been changed.. or not hahaha

Pss: some of you might think I was also an insecure girlfriend when it came to HT, but I have had reasons as stated in the old posts. So yeah. Maybe those girlfriends have their reasons too. But oh well, I just had to get it off my chest.

Sometimes you don't know what you truly want or need.

Heard of the saying "be careful of what you wish for"?

You just either have to trust in God's bigger plans or that in life everything happens for a reason.

Have you ever wanted something so bad. Like really bad. To the point, you prayed for it, birthday wished for it, threw coins into the well and hope for it, or even to the extent of wanting to exchange the world for it?

Yeah I did.

Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. Other times I get it and then I either lose it or it's mercilessly taken away from me.

The point is, at that moment I wanted ______ so bad. Like shouldn't life start to be a little fairer to me prior to what happened? Isn't it time for my life to bounce back? If my life was a movie, it would be now whereby someone comes up to me and say "Hey, you've hit rock bottom, what can be worse than this? It can only get better in time."

I cried buckets. Then lo and behold, I got what I wanted. I thought my dreams came true all at once. I thought I was the happiest living soul that day.

And then shit happens. Murphy's law. It always do. And I couldn't understand why. It was as if whatever prior to that wasn't bad enough, and life just went like "Hah you think it's over? You thought wrong. I'll show you that it CAN get worse than that. It's not over yet."

Double whammy, double the blow, double the wrench.

Then I cried some more, cursed even more, till I was desperate no more. Like I just gave up.

Months down the road, ______ was mine again. And I guess I just don't want it anymore. Maybe I no longer feel the same, maybe situations changed, maybe back then I didn't know what I wanted, maybe I just wanted it cause I couldn't have it, or maybe even I knew it was bad for me but I wanted it my way, anyway.

Perhaps God knew better, perhaps time showed me things much clearer, perhaps I just grew older. But right now, at this moment in time I'm blessed with _____ and never in my wildest dreams will I ever think that such an amazing thing will ever happen to me.

For all you know, what you hold so precious to you now, could only be a fraction of the greatest thing you need, further down the road in life. Or another way to look at it is, if you seek you might never find, but if it's meant to be yours, it will be yours at the end of the day. Cliche I know.

Whichever way you look at it, if your life is a movie, I'm the person that is telling you "Hey, you've hit rock bottom, what can be worse than this? It can only get better in time." Trust me on this. The brighter days are ahead even if it doesn't seem like it.

Hang on tight, we're in for the ride of our lives.

Love, Sarah.

Cause he makes me feel good about myself.

I feel loved and I'm content with how things are now.

OFFICIALLY LODGING A COMPLAINT AGAINST BLACK CAR SFF 9077 S

Congrats on attempting to knock us down TWICE.

We were on the motorcycle riding along mandai road into KJE and we were safely riding in our lane, when you squeezed into our lane and overtook us. Without signalling. The difference in the distance? A tyre.

Second time, we were riding and happened to past you (within the speed limit), I saw that you had your wife in the passenger seat and your son at the back seat. How safe a father are you?

Then from KJE to CCK you revved your engine and position your car right beside us at a distance nearer than the lift to my door step. Guess what, you overtook us without signalling again and cut our lane once more with the distance shorter than the length of my arms.

If the first time your excuse was on misjudgment, we have got nothing to say. The second time was straight up reckless driving and an attitude of a delinquent.

To road bullies like you, no matter how safe cyclists are, this is why accidents happen.

I will lodge a complaint against you to LTA in the morning. You should be OFF the road for everybody's safety.

Happy national day to you too, inconsiderate driver of SFF 9077 S.

I CANNOT WAIT FOR MY HOLIDAYS

1. 4d3n Bali (flying immediately after my last paper)
2. Colour Run
3. Open-air film festival at Fort Canning
4. Staycation with groupmates
5. USS with groupmates
6. Time to paktor
7. Catch up on dramas
8. Eat sleep rave repeat <- yesah

9. Be depressed for yet another semester (all law mods omg)

By Mica Trinidad

I can honestly say I am a nice and genuine person. I’m a people pleaser, which is one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I didn’t realize my importance and self-worth until one day; I woke up and said to myself, “Some people just aren’t worth it anymore.” I’m sick and tired of getting up every day living my life for other people.

I helped people who didn’t deserve my help. I tolerated people who didn’t deserve my patience. I listened to people who didn’t deserve my attention. I shared what I had to people who didn’t deserve to receive anything from me. I put up with all of this shit just to keep my so-called-friends in my life a bit longer. I’ve always thought to myself, “Be the bigger person.” I’d always say it’s okay if they’re not nice to you, as long as you’re nice to them because that’s who you really are.

I have been used, neglected, and left behind many times before. I know some of us are blinded by our own problems and issues we don’t see that they only come to us when they need something from us, but I knew it. And I still played along to their silly games. I did it because at the time, I thought I needed them more than they needed me. I felt dependent on other people. I felt like they were responsible for my happiness. So I was afraid of losing the people who mattered. I was afraid to let go of the people who I thought I couldn’t live without.

I became an illusion. I became what everyone wanted to see from me. I tried to live up to every expectation they had for me. I tried to be perfect. I tried to be what they wanted. I tried so hard to be someone they needed. But every time I tried, I ended up feeling shittier about myself. It was wrong. Everything was wrong.

Suddenly I realized I really wasn’t happy. I asked myself, “Why am I the only one trying?” and “Why I am the only one who has to adjust to others?” and “Why can’t they do the same for me?” I realized if I expected everyone to have the same heart as mine, I would end up disappointed. I realized why I did all those things in the first place despite of me being miserable. I wanted to belong. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be wanted and needed. I wanted everyone to like me. I lived for other people.

It’s about time I thought about myself. I am capable of living my life without other people trying to drag me down. I am capable of making my own decisions despite what other think. I learned that it’s okay not to be okay. It’s about time I stood up for myself. I don’t have to depend on other people to decide on my happiness. I am capable of being happy just by being content with myself. I have the strength and courage to finally get what I want. I don’t mean to say that from now on, I’m a selfish person. What I’m saying is, you also have to think of yourself.

We all have a right to choose what’s best for us. For years I’ve been bottling up every bit of emotion I had in me. But the bottle’s got to pop someday. And finally, it did. It’s time I let go of all the negativity in my life. It’s time I let go of the people who bring me pain and sadness. It’s time I trust myself with my own happiness instead of depending it on others. It’s time I finally speak out. So fuck everyone who ever made me feel the way I did before. They’re not worth it.

Sometimes you’ve just got to know the people worth fighting for, living for, and dying for. I choose the people in my life. I’m free to choose what I want to do. It’s time I let go of the days I felt afraid, worthless, and unimportant. It’s time I finally live for myself because I know my life is worth living.

I'm freaky af

Okay I know I've always been freaky.

I can read someone in 5 mins.
I can read minds sometimes.
My 6th sense is 101% always right.
I have precognitive abilities.

But I didn't know I can recognise people's body.

So I was scrolling through ig and I saw my female friend post a photo of a guy from the chin downwards. Like out of a few million people in Singapore I don't know why I just felt like I know that person in the photo.

So I texted my guy friend to ask if he knows my female friend:

Woah. It's official, I'm freaky af.

The best part of a relationship, is before it actually starts.

A Preview Of The Future

So years back when we broke up, I actually blogged about how I think the both of them are perfect together. Now reading that blogpost, I've like goosebumps cause it was like omg a precognition. Snippets of what I wrote: I knew I was not the girl for him and I know she'll take good care of him. They are literally meant for one another.

That period if I remembered correctly, was really tough on him. And I thanked god that she was there. I remember when they got together afterwards, I was the third most happy person in the world. HAHA. It was still vivid to me that one night during leadership training camp, P and I talked for hours. We literally talked from the first one who fell asleep to the last one who woke up on the upper deck of the double-decker bunk bed. About so many things, how I was happy for her, how everything made perfect sense, how I fell for E afterwards, we just talked about everything that night-morning with J just sleeping opposite. It wasn't awkward at all, I promise. We just kept laughing and talking and yawning and tearing. Hahaha we died for the rest of the nights in camp.

Sometimes P and I would meet up in school to talk about relationships although I don't think she remembers. FC 6 yellow table after school, I know I remember the most useless things. Hahaha even till today I like all their photos together on social media, they really look damn cute together please.

Oh last year J worked with me for the Singtel Dash roadshow and a few found out he was my ex but it really wasn't awkward. I literally introduced the job to him for a week so we are pretty okay. Some of them know that I was really glad to see him happy and well especially with the whole surgery thing then.

All in all, I guess I just wanna say I knew I did the right thing because it was almost as if I had a sneak preview of the future - they got married today. And I'm really really really extremely happy for them. From the bottom of my heart, I don't know if they will see this but:

"Happy marriage to this beautiful couple and I can't wait to see little Tan(s) on social media. Hahaha. I wish the both of you a blissful life ahead, together, forever. Love, Sarah."

Priorities

I want somebody
With a sharp intellect
And a heart from hell
Somebody with
Eyes like starfire
And a mouth with a kiss
Like a bottomless well
But mostly
I just want somebody
Who will love me
When I do not
Know how to love myself

Beau Taplin

I'm not ready to love someone new, but I'm ready to stop loving you.

Thank you for showing me I can love someone to this extent.

(Draft since 1st June 2015) - I guess it's time.

The Dream

I saw a dream
Long lost to me
In search of
Another's waking

It found a shoreline
Far away
As the day -
As my heart
Was breaking

And I sighed and I wept
For what could not be -
And for all that could
Have been

For every hope
And every prayer
Long drowned
Beneath the sea

I fell to sleep
Alone that night
To the sound
Of a distant call

The faintest whisper
Of good-bye -
And the dream
Was mine, no more

Lang leav

Bestfriends are sisters from previous lives

So here I am at 4.30am rushing my assignment and my best friend is on my right snoring away.

I cherish moments like these. I've known Jocelyn Chua Wei Qi since forever. From primary 1 days when we were all that we've got till now and somethings just don't change.

We hated each other so much but our ego wouldn't allow us to have recess alone, so we sucked it up and put up with one another for a year.

After that this Chua ah lian went to switch primary school and there she was again as my classmate in secondary 1. Again history repeated itself.

But along the way of hating one another, we realised it was because we saw ourselves in the other person. And before I know it, she made a mark and was very much a big part of Sarah Yong's life.

I've known of girlfriends and their bestfriends but none quite like us. One tall one short one skinny one fat, we are indeed a perfect 10.

Over the past 15 years, we've cried and laughed countless of times. Mostly laughing until we cry la. We've gone through soooo much I don't even know where to begin. Thank you for knowing and loving me more than I know and love myself.

Someday we'll both get married and have children. Our kids may have stayovers like we do. It's a silent agreement that we are gonna be the godmas of our children, just so you know, I promise to love them as my very own.

I know this is very selfish of me but I think the first to go is a luckier one. I wouldn't be able to bear standing at your grave one day, crying, talking and reminding you of our good old days. I'd rather you do that cause its payback time for all my love showered upon you this lifetime. *crying as I'm typing this and you're snoring like a cb pig*

For now sleep well my dear, for I'm gonna force you to cook me some love tomorrow.

爱你啦

Jumbled up on purpose, that's how much we have changed over the years.

The Most Ridculous Thing Just Happened.

Like I'm not even exaggerating.

I alighted from the cab (with my mum tagging a good 10 steps behind) and walked towards the lift at our void deck.

Here's what I witnessed:

1. On my left, a guy went inside the lift and proceeded to second floor

2. On my right, a girl was at the letter box apparently on the phone with someone.

So I was just waiting for my mum to catch up when I overheard the girl's conversation in mandarin: "So fucking stupid, second floor also want take lift, like what the fuck, anyway letters a lot, wah fucking stupid la seriously blablabla." She went on and on and on.

In my mind I was thinking, what is your problem girl. Hahaha he cannot take the lift ah why must curse until like that, chill la he paid for the lift works too, just like all of us. He is entitled to what. So poor thing second floor then banned from taking the lift ah? Not like you run after the lift then he closed the door in your face what. I saw you taking your own sweet time at the letter box.

Then when my mum caught up, I told her very softly, don't share lift with this girl but I didn't explain why. My mother funny la asked me in an audible voice: "why don't share", and I said I'll tell her later.

When the girl entered the lift, I told her that the guy pressed second floor kena cursed until damn jialat, if we pressed third floor confirm kena from her in the lift too.

This whole time I was still laughing, I think I good mood that's why.

Came the epic part liao.

The lift stopped at 5th floor, 9th floor and 12th floor. LOL

Do you know what just happened not?!

SHE PLAYED WITH THE LIFT BUTTONS LEH HAHAHAHAHAHA SERIOUSLY.

She's like in her late twenties, but behaving like a delinquent.

My mum and I exchanged glances when we saw the lift going to higher floors and I started giggling.

Like what? LOL. We suspect she stayed at the 5th floor cause she wouldn't have pressed any buttons that might delay her journey up to her floor what right. Don't think she's THAT dumb la, if not self pawn. Hahaha

Bo bianz suck thumb, my mum and I just had to wait for the lift to come back to the first floor.

BUT IT WAS SO RIDICULOUS I WASN'T EVEN ANGRY LIKE OKAY I HOPE PLAYING WITH THE LIFT BUTTONS MADE YOU HAPPIER FOR GETTING BACK AT US FOR NOT SHARING LIFT WITH YOU BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANNA GET CURSED AT.

HAHAHAHAHA SINGAPOREANS LOLOLOL

If any I should be the one who flipped, I cabbed back cause I was so tired. I only slept for an hour and been up since 6.30am. For more than 16 hours in zombie mode. But really I thought it was so retarded I couldn't even be bothered to get angry.

This is just classic omg.

And He Popped The Question..

IN MY DREAMS.

HAHAHA.

I don't even have a boyfriend, pop what question.

"Pizza onz not?"
"Onz la."

BUT THIS DOES NOT STOP ME FROM FANTASIZING ABOUT MY DREAM WEDDING.

If even maids have angmoh boyfriends, then why am I still single. Sigh it's okay, I'm on the path of practicing self sufficiency. The nunnery wants me.

Then again I bet that there are nuns who thought about their wedding dresses before God saved them from Adam(s) or for some, Eve(s). I'm just kidding, please don't hate me. I love my sisters, amen.

Okay my point is that my friend is getting married soon and she's a hot Ukrainian girl who is just a year older than I am, with a really huge rock on her finger (pssst it's at least three carats by the way)

It looks something like this if you're wondering.

And she got proposed the way I've always wanted my boyfriend (who is currently stuck in some tree, it's okay I'm waiting for you my baby) to propose to me.

LIKE HOW AWWISH IS THAT. I saw the pictures and I'm really very happy for her.

Kao. Angmoh really different please, he went down on one knee, then mai siao siao got sunset at the back, champagne all in Greece hor. Em' tumblr hweels 有没有. Okay ah lian, back into the wardrobe.

So it got me thinking, when was the last time I actually felt like I could share my life with someone, and his face appeared in my head. Okay moving on!

My Dream Proposal

I really don't need something over the top like fireworks or jumping off buildings.

Just kneel down with a decent ring and a nice bouquet of flowers with overflowing love.

Better yet, if you start crying or choking on your tears, I will melt faster than ice-cream in summer.

Am I the only one who thinks that romance in Singapore is dead?

"Baby, let's go apply for BTO."

"Okay lor, need to plan ahead for flat hor."

"Mummy, how did daddy propose to you?"

"With our house la, if not you sleep where!"

My Dream Gown & Wedding

I'm not exactly into having the usual hundred tables typical Chinese wedding banquet. I mean honestly, sometimes the bride and groom don't know half of the people invited to their wedding. The irony. Please, sometimes even I don't know the bride or the groom, I just go there for the food. HAHA.

But I'm not going to be really particular about the wedding. After all it's who you're marrying and not just that one day of glamour. We never know maybe someday I marry an Indonesian tycoon become tai-tai, if he wants two thousand tables, he can have two thousand and one tables. LOL. Or what if I marry some hot Brazilian guy who wants his wedding to be dancing in the canopy, he can Jamaican style all he wants.

If I get to choose, it will be something like this:

A Chapel Wedding for Solemnisation Process, Lace Wedding Gown

That's during the day and

Garden/ Beach Wedding for the Banquet, Simple White Dress

Something like that would be lovely, ending the night with champagne, music and lots of dancing.

Can I just marry myself already? Hahaha.

I think I've watched too much chick flicks. But hey, dreams don't hurt no one!

This blogpost made me smile for an hour or two, and that's good enough for now. Shall blog about my dream home the next time. It's back to assignments for now.

Love, Sarah.

You don't need anyone to tell you, your self-worth.

My First Tattoo Experience

As most of you know, I've just had my first tattoo.

After 22 years of contemplating long and hard, I went ahead this afternoon, 31st May 2015 at 2:45pm.

I don't believe in doing something behind my mum's back so I informed her way beforehand. Hahaha she's not exactly thrilled about the idea but being the amazing mother she is, she was there the entire time even when she couldn't bear to see me in pain.

There you have it, my team of supporters at Johnny Two Thumbs Tattoo Studo:

Second photo's a lil blur and fat face every single time :(

Why Johnny Two Thumbs?

Cause my uncle had three of his tattoos done there and since I always go there *support support* I made friends with most of the tattoo artists already. Heh. Yes it has a lot to do with branding too. It's like Adidas in this industry. Also I like how when I lie down, I'm actually looking at shelves of vintage alcohol bottles, badass tattoo photographs and their pretty awesome music playlist.

The ever patient Aloysif who is great with fonts, thank you so much :)

Every tattoo artist has a different forte, some are good with realistic portraits, others are great with tribal patterns etc, you have to find one with a specific expertise.

What did I tattoo?

It's a personal thing and I'm not going to post pictures of it. Unless, well if you see it then you see it la. Hahaha. It's just a word that means a lot to me, some of you guys know what it is and the font that I chose. So far, everyone likes it and as for me, I really really am in love with it.

Where did I tattoo mine?

My ribs. If you wanna have tattoos, you need to think about where you wanna have it. Honestly, I wanted it on my arms, wrists etc but it's with much consideration that I've decided for it to be hidden under any type of clothing (excluding bikini). And different parts of your body means different pain zones. On a scale of green to red, ribs are purple (which means it's out of the scale). Ribs are one of the most painful parts, literally anywhere that is just bones and still bones, such as spine or head or collarbone.

How was the pain like?

I'm somebody with NO threshold for pain, not just low. I cry when I pierced my ears, I wince at paper cuts, I flinch at blisters etc you get my point.

I would say sometimes it's 2/10 and other times it's 8/10. It ranges from time to time, be it outlining, shading, on ribs or fleshy spots. Mostly the pain is more mental than physical, it's really all in the mind. If you tell yourself to relax, it's a whole lot more bearable.
Ps: I cheated by drinking some beer beforehand, I'd like to think it worked. HAHAHA. But it's strongly not advisable cause some might end up bleeding more. I didn't bleed at all hehe so yeah I was quite lucky. I would say drink a can of Coke during the tattoo session if possible, I was feeling anemic(?) aka low sugar in blood when I stood up.

With this I will give the greatest shoutout to Bryan Liem for allowing me to squeeze your hand for forty five mins without a single word of complain. Thank you so so so so so much babe, really <3

How long did it take?
About an hour and a half? Forty five mins of confirming font size and placement, forty five mins of tattooing process.

How much was it?
A hundred bucks and I think it's pretty reasonable.

Would I do it again?

Yes, yes, yes and yes.

Pictures taken from my gopro (I blurred some out so that my tattoo can't be seen haha I know wth right but ohwell):

That was my happy face when I saw it in mirror, lying back again to get it bandaged. Hahaha thanks Jazreel for helping me with the videos:)

I will keep updating this post about the maintenance of tattoos:

Six hours later and it is starting to ache a little against my ribs.

Bathing didn't hurt at all just now.

Two more days before I can start applying moisturiser.

(Ian says I should wait until the sixth day before applying tho)

Two days later, my skin has started to dry up around the outlines.

Ribs are aching constantly, felt like I bumped into a sharp corner of a table.

Four days later my skin was itching like a bitch.

Five days later still extremely itchy.

Six days later my skin was peeling, I was told it means it's healing.

With love,

Sarah Yong