Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I was braver

Sometimes I wish I spoke up for myself a little more

Sometimes I wish I toned down a lil when I was growing up, not everybody was as enthusiastic about life as I was

Sometimes I wish I stood up for myself a little more

Sometimes I wish I didn't volunteer to help, because no one would do the same for me

Sometimes I wish people wouldn't take me for granted

Sometimes I wish I didn't take my loved ones for granted

Sometimes I wish that people will understand that I don't mean harm, that if you ask my bunch of friends, I'm not the Sarah you perceive me to be

Sometimes I wish I could express my feelings better instead of bottling up and saying or acting in ways I don't mean

Sometimes I wish people will be kinder to everyone else, just a tad bit will do

Sometimes I wish people knew me before they talked shit about me

Sometimes I wish life could be fairer to the ones who deserve it

Most of all, sometimes I wish I wasn't so misunderstood

Growing up, I was always misunderstood. I have so many examples of how seeing shouldn't always be believing. I happen to have a lifelong membership with the series of unfortunate events club. Let me tell you how I'm almost always caught in awkard situations.

I could be running to help an old lady cross the street and only to find that she was heading in another direction and I made her walk extra.

I could be running to help an old lady cross the street and if I tripped and fell and accidentally drag her plastic bag full of oranges down with me, it will look like I was going to steal those oranges instead and karma hit my theif ass and I tripped.

I could be running to help an old lady cross the street and she may start screaming that I'm her not-so-filial-granddaughter who went MIA on her for 23 years.

I could be running to help an old lady cross the street and she may think I step one kind hearted citizen to publicize my humane act.

That's the extent of how misunderstood Sarah Yong can get.

But strangely, even after series of unfortunate events, life still seems to somehow work out for me at the end of the day. And for that I'm grateful. For good things to happen to me later in life, is better than not happening at all. So I guess life is still great afterall.

Sometimes you've just got to wait for your wishes to come true.

And sometimes, there's just no sometimes. You just gotta grow up and stop wishing.

I have a dream

That one day, I'll have a studio apartment in London and own a quaint little shop just down the street. To live a simple life of bagels, cream cheese and coffee. Imagine waking up to the smell of newsstands and flowers. Such life, yes please.

Cause I remember I've got a blog.

This year, two of my cousins got married and I haven't had time to post all the photos but I guess it's my blog so my face will do for now HAHA.

One had his at Orchard Mandarin where I was the emcee with my buddy, and another ceremony in Hong Kong afterwards. (I actually typed a whole post + emcee script, but I can't find it :( sobs sobs)

And another just had his at Faber Peak, and one more ceremony in Bali in a couple of month's time. But I wouldn't be able to attend cause training would have started by then.

This period has been extremely stressful for me. To many it may seem like it's the last lap, just pull through only. But no, it's not just that. It's beyond. I feel like within this five weeks, my life, youth and soul has been sucked out of me. Dry. I haven't felt this depressed and it's affecting everyone around me. I'm sorry if I've been sending out negative vibes and I understand if people start to drift from me. Like I wouldn't even blame them cause even I don't wanna be around myself anymore. It's unbearable.

Thanks thanks thanks mumsie for buying me food everyday just to cheer me up and all. Must have been tough coming home to a monster. I'm really sorry and thankful all the same. Lub u mimi.

Special thanks to Jamie for listening to me whine and cry heh don't say I forgot about you k. Aini.

And Bry being Bry, however supportive he was, was still getting the brunt of everything even when he is miles away in Brisbane. Hahaha you can run but you can't hide. Hehe kidding, but he has had it bad. I'm so sorry. I haven't been myself lately. So nasty, so sorry.

Anyway back to main topic, I'm really extremely blessed to have him in my life. It's nice to feel like your happiness actually means so much to someone. Like somebody is serious enough to talk about his future with you in mind. I know I've shared some special news with my closest friends, so I'm just waiting patiently before I can announce it. It's not what you guys think it is lah. Sorry guys hahaha. Aiyah basically it's just us being stupid. But us being stupid, cheered me up by like tenfolds. Got me alive and kicking to get to school today. Good enough I guess.

Ohoh a little update! I bought him a winter jacket cause that silly boy is freezing in Brisbane and yet too lazy to even get down to buying one. Fine, I ship to you one k. Tsk. Should be able to keep him warm throughout exams and guess what. HE IS COMING BACK FOR HIS WINTER BREAK. ULTIMATE YAYNESS. Somebody promises to cook for me everyday. Orhor, black and white on my blog alr ah, cannot deny. Heh heh. Sigh miss that fat boy so much.

Anyways, I'm gonna conclude that nervous breakdown is not a joke guys. My heart goes out to those suffering from depression. Like I know how it feels like getting around day after day feeling like that. You can laugh and smile at times, suffer from panic attacks at times, having random outbursts at times, and block out the world at times. Whatever you do, just don't forget the ones who love you. Don't make it hard for them to get to you. You can have constant relapses, sure. Just remember to talk to someone before you allow your mind to mess you up to the point whereby you feel all alone and you wanna stop living. Okay?

Sending you all my love. Stay strong, fight and don't flat line x

8 reports, 7 submissions, 5 presentations, 3 papers

I'm feeling sooo drained.