SUSHI IS AN AMBASSADOR

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Hi everybody, meet Sushi.

For some reason I feel like this my pregnancy whereby I can't tell anybody about the first trimester, cause y'know.. afraid to jinx it. HAHA. So yes I'm typing this in advance before I lose track of everything. Eh old already must give chance.

22 years. Every birthday, every Christmas, every possible "what do you want", I had only one wish. A dog. After my parents had a divorce when I was 5, I only wanted a dog. A companion. I don't know why but cuteness aside, it has to be something about them being a man's bestfriend. And I needed a friend. Desperately. A friend I could hug and cry to who would never think of me otherwise no matter what. A friend whose life mission was just to make me happy.

Don't get me wrong. I have friends. You might even say a lot. But I've always felt that I'm the least important one in all my groups/cliques. Maybe it's because I tend to stretch my time with as many friends as possible instead of just spending time with that few good ones. Or maybe it's because I chose flying as a career and I'm hardly in town. Whatever the case, I feel like everybody can live with or without me.

I have always been weird. It could be due to the divorce. It could be that I'm the only child. It could even be this ridiculous reason that this sister here is an aquarius lol and we are all weirdos. But yes, I've been extremely weird growing up and I believe I still am. It could be for the fact that in this huge 4 room flat, there was only my mother and I for 22 years. And when she was at work, I would be alone at home facing 16 walls. Pretty much.

My mother had it tough. She had to take on the role of a mother, a father, a nanny, a maid etc. So it's not that I'm short of love. I probably feel so over-compensated with her love that sometimes it can get overwhelming. When we quarrel, there was nowhere to run. It's not like I have a sibling where I could just go "you see your mother" and then we can just laugh about it or cry together. She never remarried and I never had another (step) sibling. But we good now. If anything I should be the one giving birth. 时辰到了。HAHAHA.

Hours spent alone at home was perhaps a lil too much. It got to a point where I have this crazy tendency, an urge to spend hours and hours outside. Imagine how I suffered during quarantine?! I love being around people (until I started flying then I loved staying home. Now CB stay home too long wanna go out LOL). The more the merrier. I'm an introverted extrovert. Like I'm good alone but if you put me with people I JUST GO SIAO. I can't stop talking, I can't stop hugging. The loneliness is also possibly the reason to why I was in and out of relationships for 8 years straight. Must be daddy issues la. HAHAHA. Kiddz. I've got that part of my life all sorted out now.

Basically over the span of 22 years, I've used every possible method to force my mother to get me a dog. I begged, blackmailed, act cute, cried, pled, prayed, threatened, wished.. you name it I've done it. But I did it knowing that there was no way my mother would say yes. For starters, when we are both at work or out with our friends, who is going to take care of the dog?? We couldn't bear to do this to our doggo.

So this year with the whole covid thing, I'm finally home. Home as in, no flights. Home as in until predicted year of recovery in 2024, I could even be jobless. Home as in, whatever I do before my next flight I'm technically capable of taking care of a pet. And being the supportive mother, she has actually offered to bring the doggo to work if I really am onboard and have to be away for a few days. If die die cross fingers really kena retrenched, my next job would most likely be a 9-5 and that's fine too for my doggo I guess. Also if really buay sai both super busy, we are contemplating on getting a maid as well. It's a perfect timing to bring a baby home now.

Finally, may I present to you MY Sushi. A pomsky.

22 September 2020

It was love at first sight.

We actually considered adopting, so we called SPCA etc but they didn't pick up. Because it's the covid period now, even when we swung by the Animal Lodge, we were turned away as well. We had to make an appointment first. In the meantime I contacted at least 15 shops. Be it physical pet shops, pet farms, Instagram/facebook pet shops.. only 3 responded. WAH CURRENTLY WORLD WIDE SHORTAGE OF PUPPIES MAI SIAO SIAO. Supply vs demand. The price hike is insane. It was ridiculous. A corgi used to be like $4k, now it's $7k?!?!

Those shops that usually import doggos from every part of the world had very limited puppies available in store (cause covid then y'know hard to breed). Even then, they were all sold out or reserved. Yes I'm not even kidding. They will text me things like, "oh I have some more puppies coming in next week but they have been reserved already". WHAT THE. And for those shops that breed locally right, they would just straight up tell me "SOLD OUT". Till this date, my fam will still mention that Sushi was destined. It was fated.

What happened was that I made a few appointments for viewing on 23 August, Sunday. But just before heading to the last appointment, my fam and I randomly walked past this shop that had the door open for another customer. When we walked past, ohmyfortheloveofgod at the corner of my eye I saw this cute pomsky that was so mild!! I buay tahan immediately jump queue even though we didn't have an appointment and jitao asked the breeder about the pomsky. She informed me that there was only one pomsky cause her sibling didn't make it a few days after he was born. But the surviving doggo just so happened to be a female OMG (cause I don't wanna give belly rub hor then got THING protruding HAHAHA).

It was fated because we told ourselves that we'll just roam around for awhile first even though it was raining and the mosquitos bohoseh. But aiya why not right since we were extremely early might as well go gai gai first before driving to the last appointment to see a golden labradoodle. Of which hor they cancelled on us knn damn last minute like we were literally standing at the shop's door, scan SafeEntry but there was nobody inside k tsk. So right, it really felt like it was an exchange from God.

We saw so many doggos that day but nothing, absolutely nothing gave me the feeling that the pomsky gave me. I knew that she was The One. You see ah, there's always gonna be doggos cuter, personality that suits you better but this kinda thing really must see time and place. 缘份。缘份到了 cannot fight it, just embrace - that's how i kept psychoing my mother. HAHAHAH. But after 3 days of careful, life-changing, serious consideration and research, I really really really damn scared somebody else were to take her home first. So on 26 August, Wednesday we paid our deposit. Wallet ded.

I'm just gonna spam some photos:

Newborn

About a month-ish

About two months

Two months and two weeks old (and also the customer at the background is the one that we cut the queue la sorry not sorry) JUST LOOK AT HER PAWS SO SMOL

Two months and three weeks old. The day she became my Sushi.

She still has 2 more vaccinations to go and was just microchipped when I reserved her. We couldn't touch her yet until a week later but we were told to bring an old shirt as well as a pee tray so she can slowly get accustomed to our smell and defo for potty training purposes. We have been dog-proofing our house nonstop, rearranging things here and there, keeping all the loose items etc. A lot of work okay, really not so easy to bring a doggo home. The good thing is though we not rich but we have plenty of space and 16 walls to choose from HAHAHA.

I've been buying so many things online and one by one they were delivered to my place. Cannot sleep in peace y'know, every few hours my door bangBangBANG NinjaVan. Really can cry. But it's gonna be so freaking worth it. Also on Sushi's behalf I need to thank Uncle Jdy, Aunty Jocelyn and Aunty Jasmine for all the stuff they bought. 谢谢你们. My Sushi already got so much love, I think my actual baby gonna be damn spoilt.

Food and water bowl from Uncle JDy

Electric dog nail buffer from Uncle JDy

Baby bathtub from Aunty Jocelyn

Sushi's collar from Aunty Jasmine

2nd September, Wednesday. The day we hugged her, played with her. Omg she is already stuck to me, kept running to me, playing with me and licking me LOL. Sooo cuteee!! I gave her a pink pee tray and also an old shirt of mine that I wore the night before to make sure she knows what her mummy smells like.

Sushi hugging me and my mother pulling her away from me. Tsk

See she only wants me HEHE

AIYOOO AIGUUU

Belly rubs

My old Looney Tunes PJs

Also can I just say she's super clumsy HAHAHA LIKE ME SHE KEPT FALLING AND KNOCKING INTO THINGS GG

One more vaccination on 15th September and she would be home on 22nd September. As I'm typing this, she'll be home in exactly 20 days from now OHMYGOD. Note to self: last vaccination would be on 15th October and we would have to shave her after 22nd October so that she wouldn't shed as much fur for the rest of her life. Idk how this works but apparently iz liddat.

Dog proofing isn't funny, it is really so so so so so much work. Both my mom and I were on our fours crawling around the house looking for sharp corners, tying up wires, wiping almost all of our furniture and even the living room walls. 我的妈呀。But I really CANNOT WAIT. We went down on 19th September to pass her another recent PJs of mine to refresh "my smell". We didn't manage to carry her because her last vaccination was only 4 days ago. But she has grown so much already!!

My Baobei

My heart cannot 2 more days and you'll have your forever home 宝贝

22 September 2020, welcome to your forever home Sushi Loke. Follow us on @sarahandsushi on ig thanks hoooomans. Hahaha

27 too old, 27 too young

Hi it's me. I don't know who still reads this. Hi, you. How have you been? I've been so withdrawn to the point that I don't even type in my safe space anymore. Here, this platform used to be a place where I could escape from reality for just a tad bit.

27 too old. Should I claim to be 26 since this year is pretty much thrash? Should I change the title to 26 too old? Nah I may be in this headspace but I'm not in denial.

27 too old. Too old to be making stupid mistakes. Too old to know better. Too old to just keep running from life. Too old cause I'm hitting my thirties in three years time. The thing is. I don't feel old. But the whole age is just a number thing is utter bullshit. I mean, it is a number. I don't feel a day older than 23 but the truth is, these four years did pass me by. I made plenty of decisions this four years. I could have settled. Probably have a baby by now. I lost 2.5 girlfriends (0.5 cause she still kind). My choice. I stayed in the airline industry when I thought I would only stay for two. The thing is I can't pretend this four years didn't happen. I spent everyday, making decisions, my emotions and my feelings, all the ups and downs were real. It did happen. Age isn't just a number. 

When I was a lot younger I thought people at 25 were young adults who were figuring their shit out. I looked at people who were 28 and thought they were adults who got it all. Adulting. What a word. At 19 I was like, omg so bittersweet blablabla my last year of being a teenager but fuck yes I would be taken seriously and I was two years to being 'legal'. At 19 I was responsible and smart. Probably a lot wiser than I am now at 27. You see growing up was different for me. I was forced to mature before the rest. I hated when people undermined me and brushed me off just cause I'm 19. I exceptionally hated the whole I ate more salt than you ate rice crap. I was clear headed. I'm not like those who looked back and was like omg how could I think I knew everything back then. The fucked up thing is I did know everything back then. I did. I had goals and aspirations and realistic plans and my life was going to be amazing. I'm not sore that my prime is over. I'm disappointed in who I've become.

27 too young. If by my screwed definition of 28 being an adult, technically I still have one more year to fuck up. You see at 22, one year after I turned 'legal' I THOUGHT I KNEW EVERYTHING. But I wasn't the same me when I was 19. Relationships after relationships. The problem is that I've never been single for more than two months. A part of me thinks it's too fast, I should heal before I commit. Another part of me thinks that I'm still young, what if this is the one then I would be wasting precious time. I'm still young, I should still try it out, like I'd never know right? Okay to be fair I never really brought emotional baggage from the previous relationship to the next. I knew whenever I deserved better and when I wanted out. Yeah I think I can safely say I left, walked out, or outgrew every single one of them.

27 too young. Too young to know I should've tried to worked things out instead of running. Too young to be restricted by society's standards. Too young to say, it is what it is. Too young to be so harsh and unforgiving of myself. Most importantly, too young to have to settle. Where should I begin. This year I reflected, thought about a lot of things mostly because I feel trapped like literally and figuratively.

I mean I literally have been stuck at home since March 16 minus four days, two of which I managed to get the fuck out before Circuit Breaker commenced and two days sometime last week that I actually had to report for work. LAONIANG DID NOT LEAVE HOME DURING QUARANTINE, I GOT INTO SO MUCH TROUBLE BECAUSE OF MY MAHJONG POST. Fuck cannot play alone for sanity sake ah. If I left home and somebody baotoh limbu suck thumb. LIMBU STAYED HOME THROUGHOUT MY QUARANTINE KENA CALL SAY 'SOMEBODY WHO CARES ABOUT SOCIETY' COMPLAINED THAT JIEJIE HERE LEFT HOME TO PLAY MAHJONG. Knn I stayed home hor. If I never stay home would I be this piece of wreckage?! Wah every bloody time I think about it, I fume. I still hope you step on Lego, trip and fall then Lego poke your eyes. You blind fuck. It's been two months and I'm not taking back my curse. Truth is I stayed home until I ki siao already. I think I know how many steps it takes to walk around my entire house. Don't know don't anyhow talk cock. Y'know defamation or slander not? Nnb. I really angry.

Okay yah so I've been trapped. Mentally and emotionally. I second guess myself a lot. Some days I would just wild away my time. Other days I would be really motivated and productive. Most of the days I would just question what the actual fuck do I want out of this life. Should I settle? Is this it? Is this all there is? At 27, can I choose to walk a path so different, unexpected or unprecedented? If I was the person I was at 19, would I respect the person I am now? Would I still have done what I've done if given a second chance? Would I have studied harder, partied lesser, chose my other halves with both eyes wide open or treasured certain friendships more? Do I regret anything?

I know some of you may think I'm silly to think all these at 27. I still have a life ahead of me, that I'm only 27. The thing is, I do hope so. I hope I'm wrong and you're right. That I'll live till I'm old and wrinkly. That when I look back, I'll laugh at myself today and see how life will be good to me in time to come. That I'll be everything I aspired to be at 19.

Hey it's Saturday, 7.30am now. I wish you're happier than you have ever been. I wish that you are who you ever wanted to be. I wish you nothing but the best. Take care and it's not goodbye for now. I'm just gonna rest my mind, rest my heart and rest my soul.

Sarah Yong, 27